To My Ex-Husband: Thank You

It wasn’t long ago that I was getting into my wedding dress, walking down the aisle, and saying vows that I intended to keep forever. It wasn’t long ago that you loved me more than anything else in the world and told me I was the only person you ever wanted to grow old with. It wasn’t long ago that I felt like the most loved woman on the planet because my best friend was by my side and promising to stand by me until the end of time. It wasn’t long ago but it feels like an eternity has passed since then.

My eternity has been a whirlwind of trying to understand what happened. Of trying to make sense of why you left. The months that have gone by and the year that has slipped away has left me with so many unanswered questions but at the end of each day I remind myself to be thankful.

IMG_9420So, I thank you. I thank you for our good moments and for the times you did stand by me and protect me. I thank you for the laughter we always shared and for the memories that we created in our short time as a couple and our even longer friendship. I thank you for the flowers, the cards, the little things you did. And I thank you because I know, in those moments, you were happy too.

I thank you for leaving when you did. Even though I’m still trying to understand why you went about it the way you did, it has made me a stronger person and helped me realize that maybe some things aren’t meant to last forever. It has helped me figure out my life and start over while my ambition is still fresh and my desire is still in tact. Thank you for not prolonging the hardship and forcing me to face the world on my own while I’m still young. It has made me grow my independence and helped me to see the world in a new light, and for that, I thank you.

I thank you for the many lessons you have taught me throughout the past decade. First, you taught me that love really does exist and that, despite distance or boundaries, it can live in someone’s heart no matter the circumstance. You loved me despite many circumstances and for that, I thank you. Second, you taught me that from the spark of friendship can come something greater. You were patient and you believed, and for that, I thank you. After you left, your actions continued to teach me, and so, the third thing I learned from you is that sometimes even the strongest fires burn out. You taught me that even good marriages can fade into nothing and you taught me to be more careful with my heart in the future. You taught me that maybe love isn’t truly enough to keep a marriage afloat. Because God knows I loved you, and I always thought you felt the same.

So, without hate or animosity, I look back at the past three years since our first dance as husband and wife and all I can do is thank you. Thank you for the good times, for the hard times, for the laughter, and the tears. Thank you for helping to shape the strong person I am today and for being a big part of my life for a small slice of time.

I wish you well.

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4 thoughts on “To My Ex-Husband: Thank You

  1. Listen, I’ve never been divorced, and hope I never have to feel what you are/have been feeling. I’m married, in love, & hopeful for the future. My marriage isn’t perfect, but we have each others back, love one another in good times & bad, & continue to learn and grow with each day that passes. I’ve been lost, and found myself, lost, & found again. I imagine we are of similar age, & come from the same generation. (Based on your description of yourself) I read this though & wondered why you wrote it. I mean there isn’t much that is sacred, and/or private anymore, I know. However, sharing this post diredted towards your ex husband, so publicly. It makes me question your motive. Is it closure For yoyrself? Genuine thankfulness you needed to express? or just a way to publicly make him out to be the bad guy b/c he “left you.” Of course in any other situation/scenario like this. I’d shut up and realize it’s none of my business. Yet, you’ve allowed me & anyone else to make it theirs and voice their own opinions.
    So here I am doing just that. I guess my point, or question is why post this for the world to see if your motives were pure and selfless…? (Which is how the message in your writing seems to have been intended to come across) I don’t mean to hate on your mission of self discovery. That’s great, but why include this post? Did you need the world to know that bad? Did you need him to know, feel guilt ridden by this, and becomwe an open book of answers to all your seemingly unanswered questions regarding you all relationship? Do you hate him? Or are you truly thankful for everything you mentioned in this post? All w/out one tiny bit of resentment in your heart?

    If you read this, and are compelled to reply. I’d welcome your respose and any further discussion that would follow.

    FYI – I am in no way connected to the author or her ex-husband. This is not some sick ploy to screw with this woman, or her heart.

    • Hi Justin,

      Thank you for your comment. Yes, I’m thanking you even though it was not very nice, nor informative and took a swing at my character.

      See, that’s the kind of person I am. I see the good in bad situations and I allow them to help me grow. I take the negative and see the positive side and use it to make myself a better person. I use it to become stronger.

      Comments like yours do make me stronger because they force me to grow a backbone and realize that everyone interprets things differently. The fact that you interpreted this blog post so negatively does not reflect poorly on me but rather showcases the side of you that clearly does not understand that an honest thank you can be given without some sort of ulterior motive.

      I am a writer. I have a successful blog. I use my life experiences to create messages that allow other people to relate. It took a lot of courage on my end to actually post this, and when I did I felt very vulnerable. Allowing people such an intimate look inside my world was not done to demean, to hurt, nor to offend anyone. It was merely done to allow insight into a tough situation which has since allowed me to grow.

      The amount of positive feedback I received has been overwhelming to say the least. From other millennials who are going through divorce themselves, to people who have held grudges a bit too long and found solace in moving on.

      You are absolutely right, you do not know me, the author, because if you did you would know that this post was written as a genuine thank you and a message to anyone going through a similar situation to find thanks in the bad. As you seem to have a great life and a great marriage, I hope you never have to understand such a thing but if you can learn anything from this, let it be that we are all people trying to get by the best way we can. Instead of trying so hard to see the bad in people and the way they choose to share their feelings why not look to the good and realize that some people truly are genuine and write from their heart. Instead of questioning from a negative angle why not try to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and understand that we all deal with things differently.

      Thank you again for your comment.

      Shannon

  2. At the same time, some of us are wondering what did in fact happen. Although as Justin said, its none of our business; I for one am curious for the gossipy details of this heart-wrenching demise. You did come across as the lovely wife who tried her best and despite all the good, was left confused for some unknown (to the reader) reason. Perhaps that is part of the ploy, to have us intrigued and full of curiosity for the details of your former life. I, for one, am left wanting more. Sequels are typically redundant, but you’ve set up part 1 to have the reader curious for the pre-quel part 2. I dont imagine you’ll want to indulge the reader on such personal matters, just figured I would share that much has been left out. Seems strikingly similar to your situation, in fact.

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