We all like to think of ourselves as pretty decent when it comes to relationships. We’ve been in good ones, in bad ones, in relationships that have tested our faith and our souls and other relationships that have sent us over the moon with joy. But with every different scenario we have faced in the world of dating we still can’t seem to figure out why things never seem to work out for us.
While some relationships fail for reasons beyond our control, other times we don’t even let relationships begin because we’re too scared to get hurt–again. We push people away and keep them at a safe distance all because we don’t want to fall and risk more pain. We know our heart is fragile and we aren’t sure if it could take another blow so we mend it with tape and school glue and cross our fingers that we can hold it together until we at least gain some knowledge into what it is we keep doing wrong. We don’t trust anyone and we especially don’t trust ourselves.
And that is the problem, people: Trust. We all think we have copious amounts of it. As if it comes from a never ending fountain and will never cease to exist when in reality trust is something only the innocent have an abundance of. Anyone who has ever been hurt at the hands of another person, whether it be a cheating fiasco or the fact that your significant other woke up one morning and no longer loved you, knows that trust is something that can run out.
We want to trust again but it proves more difficult than we thought it would be. We tell the world we are fine. We shout that we are healed and that we are strong and that we are ready for the next chapter but in reality, we’re not. Not even close.
The key is to let yourself be broken and then let yourself mend. Admit that you are lacking in the trust department and don’t rush into a relationship just because you’re scared to be alone. Dating someone new when your pool of trust is running low is setting yourself up to dive head first into a mess of emotions that are not yet healed and somebody is bound to end up hurt.
You need to realize that no relationship is going to work out until you start learning how to trust again. This is the secret element that is keeping you from having a successful relationship. If you don’t trust your own heart and you don’t deeply and innately trust that the person you’re with won’t break you then you are going to remain broken.
Instead, dig deep within yourself and find out why you’re having these trust issues. Only when you are finally able to deal with it head on and conquer your fear should you start looking for a person you really connect with and then move forward. Don’t be afraid to tell anyone new why you felt the way you did in the past. If the person is worth it, they will understand and show you what trust really looks like. They will make you believe in yourself again and they will make you see all the reasons why you should trust yourself and trust them.
Know that you will get there one day and believe that your heart will heal. In the meantime, just remember that you are truly deserving of a great relationship and anyone who broke your trust in the past is only a stepping stone to a stronger you in the future.
The Love Hawk