The Necessity of Closure

Doors. We walk in and out of them every day. They protect us from the weather outside and from possible intruders who could turn our houses upside down. Without doors we would all be a little less safe and a lot more cold. So why do we sometimes leave the doors of our hearts so wide open and in so much pain before we realize that we just can’t do it anymore? Why does it take us so long to shut the door on past relationships, bolt it down, and walk away. Why is closing the door on a broken heart so difficult and why don’t we seek the closure we need, when we need it?

Closure is a scary word, perhaps because it seems so final. Most of us would like to attain closure but we are stuck in a middle world where we still believe there’s hope. It’s that exact hope that lodges the doors of our heart open and keeps us from moving on. We believe that if we finally decide to take the risk that closure defines, we could be walking away from something that might still be possible… one day. We want to keep hoping that things will change and keep believing in the possibility of things working out so we deny the idea of closure and instead believe in some kind of romantic plot where everything works out and fireworks ensue.

There’s a chance your story might end like a Nicholas Sparks novel but if we’re gonna be real here, Sparks and his wife just filed for divorce so we really shouldn’t rely on his books as real life interpretations. They are not real life. Movies are not real life and you should know by now that the great romantic gestures you keep picturing in your head haven’t happened yet so you need to realize what this means: It’s time to move on. It’s time to slam that fucking door shut.

heart-doorClosure is necessary in so many ways. It allows your heart to mend, your mind to accept reality, and your soul to let go. Closure should be less of a scary word and more of a method of empowerment. If we all just allowed ourselves the time we need to grieve a dead relationship then move on maybe there would be less people walking around on middle ground, not able to move in either direction and destined to find unhappiness in all efforts with anyone else. Sure it’s not easy to let go but it’s necessary if you want to find real happiness.

Real happiness doesn’t need to come in the form of another relationship but it does need to come in the form of inner peace; of taking a deep breath and knowing you are able to cut the cord and be free. To be free means to live a life you enjoy and a life you love. Being free means not allowing any person or the memory of them to hold you down any longer. Only when you come to terms with keeping that ghost buried will you finally realize the life you have been living has been so drained and reliant on the fears you have allowed yourself to succumb to.

Let go. It’s scary to let go of “what if” or “maybe, when” but living this way is ultimately setting you up for an extremely lonely life of being a slave to the possibilities that may never happen. Faith and hope are magnificent things and finding closure doesn’t mean you aren’t a believer in true love that can always find a way back. Instead, you have to look at it from a different angle and start to believe that the closure you find right now is what will lead you to something even more amazing. To find closure is not to give up, but instead to release your old ideals of hope into the skyline and trust that this will lead you to something even better, something you won’t have to close the door on one day.

Finding closure is hard and it’s not something that you can trick yourself into doing. You have to be ready and you have to be willing to accept that this is the end of the road. It may take a few attempts and you may relapse a couple of times but when you finally decide to move on, you will know, deep in your soul that this time it’s for real. The memories will always be there but they will fade over time. There’s no turning back once you close that door and turn the lock but you’ll know in your heart as you walk away from the one thing that has crippled you for so long that you are better off. And don’t worry, once you finally close it life will always reward you with an open door if you’re ready to look for it. So, throw away the key and remember the necessity of closure if you want to be completely free of the ghost that has been your door wedge for far too long.

Door Slammed,
The Love Hawk

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