Taylor Swift has had many lyrics that resonate with the masses but her new song “Blank Space” really got me thinking about those crazy girls that all the nice guys seem to date. You know the kind of relationship: the guy is a total sweetheart, kind, caring, just an all-around good person while his girlfriend is the complete opposite. She’s abrasive, domineering, rude, and mean. Simply put; she’s a crazy bitch. So, maybe boys do only want love if it’s torture?
It’s mind boggling really. Relationships are supposed to be based on trust, understanding, and mutual respect so why are so many nice guys settling for so much less (yes, lots of nice girls settle too but that’s a completely different post)? We all know these couples. They’ve probably been together for quite a while now and as their relationship keeps progressing, you keep asking yourself why? Why does she get away with bossing him around all the time? Why does she treat him like he’s stupid? Why does he put up with her snarky comments? Why doesn’t he just get out while the going is good? Why the fuck is he still with her?
It almost seems that these guys enjoy the crazy, but it’s not that they like it so much as they just live with it. They have learned how to deal with it and when you see it first hand, you can tell in their eyes that they have really mastered how not to rock the boat. They have become submissive and they have found ways to calm down their woman when they know she is about to hyperventilate because something isn’t going her way. I used to think, man these girls must be really good in bed but the more I took the time to observe, the more I realized that these good guys are just too nice to leave. Too scared of bringing out the crazy and unleashing a torrential downpour of emotionally riddled guilt. So they put up with the torture, instead.
These guys know they’re probably settling but at this point, they’re in so deep that they know they can’t just leave without causing mass destruction in the heartbreak department. They feel bad because they have gotten to know the good parts of this girl too. They have seen her broken side and they have gained an understanding of why she is so controlling and so rude most of the time. She’s a master manipulator you see, so she knows exactly how to keep him at bay and ultimately keep him by her side.
As frustrating as it seems, these boys will most likely never leave the crazy girls. These guys will actually become emotional slaves to their girlfriends and even turn their back on their own family if that’s what she wants. Boys like this no longer have a backbone and as much as you try to tell them how much more they deserve, they will defend their woman until the bitter end. Don’t kid yourself though, he may be brainwashed but in his heart he knows what he has become. From time to time, he’ll think of escaping but instantly replace that thought with a feeling of guilt. Like someone who suffers from Stockholm Syndrome, this guy will start to believe he is with the best person possible and even if given the opportunity to run, he won’t.
To the nice boys who are in love with this type of girl: Please open your eyes. You are a good person. So good that you have sacrificed your own heart and your own happiness for the sake of another. This would be cute if you were actually happy but we all know you’re not. We see it in your lopsided smile and your sad eyes. We know you’re a prisoner and we urge you to wake up and stop pretending you’re happy just because you are scared your girlfriend will go off the deep end if you tell her otherwise.
To the girls who are (excuse my french) bitches: Yes, almost every girl has shown a boyfriend some glimpse of crazy now and then, but I’m not talking about drunken fights here and there. You know you’re different or at least I hope you realize it. You know you are mean and aggressive and you know that you’re the dominant personality in the relationship. Please stop. We understand that you love him, hell, maybe you’re even obsessed with him but you need to understand that the way you treat your boyfriend is not cool. Sure, you probably have had some great times together and you really would go to the end of the earth for him, but if you feel that way then you should start showing him. Start trusting him, starting listening to him, and start respecting him. The world takes notice when you yell at him for getting your coffee order wrong when he was just trying to surprise you with a warm beverage. You’re nice to other people so start being nice to him too. He’s a really great catch after all.
So, as we all sit back knowing that the nice guys are too whipped to leave let’s just cross our fingers that if they do stay, they grow some balls and stop being pushed around. And while being a strong, confident woman is amazing, these girls need to learn how to play nice. It’s so simple but so underrated. Relationships are not about dominance or scaring someone into staying with you and while it seems that boys only want love if it’s (comfortable) torture we can only hope that one day, they realize it is truly about so much more.
No blank spaces,
The Love Hawk
P.S. I love T-Swift and in no way think she is one of the aforementioned crazy girls… even though I don’t know her personally.