Love is funny isn’t it? Everyone is out searching for it like it’s the oxygen they need to keep them alive not even realizing how much love they already have in their life. We maintain that we’re independent then contradict ourselves after a few drinks at the next girl’s night when we reveal we’re actually desperate for a boyfriend. “Why can’t IIII find a good guy?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, “I haven’t got flowers from a guy in ages, I just want flowers!”, “Is it too much to ask for a nice guy for a change, one who remember the little things”. Oh yes, we’ve all been there, if not the whiner then the one listening and reminding her friends they’ll find a good guy soon enough.
So in the haste to find “love” we look at potential suitors and wonder what they can do for us. We pull out our checklists and make sure it all adds up. Unfortunately, we’re doing it all wrong. Because real love isn’t about what someone can do for you. It’s simply about what YOU would do for that person. We need to stop basing our partner’s devotion on a point scale, rewarding flowers bought and favours done with gold stars that accumulate for the ultimate reward: Your love.
While nice gestures do often times make for a happy relationship, you can’t truly base the amount you love someone on what they do for you. Instead, to decipher if you really love someone it’s important to ask yourself what you would do for them. To be sure you’re not in love with the idea of a person instead of their actual soul, sit down and figure out how far out on a ledge you would go for them. Would you get out of bed in the middle of a cold night to help them with car troubles? Would you sit by their hospital bedside every day if, God forbid, anything happened to them? Yeah, it’s deep shit but while searching for Mr. Right and settling on “Mr. Right Now” you may have forgotten what that real love feeling…feels like. Hint: It’s deeper than just butterflies.
And as your search continues, it’s important to note that love is very present in your life, even if you’re not in a relationship. Love is helping your mom cook dinner on a Saturday night because you know it will make her happy, even though you could be out drinking. Love is sitting next to your best friend at 4am while she cries her eyes out over the dickhead that just broke her heart. Love is playing fetch with your dog because you know it makes him happy, even though he will never buy you diamonds in return. You are bursting at the seams with love and you probably don’t even realize it.
Love is all around us and when you start focusing on spreading YOUR love instead of hiding it deep in the ground, waiting for Prince Charming to dig deep enough into your heart, you will find that the love you give is returned to you tenfold. Ultimately, it’s not about presents or back rubs (although those are nice benefits) and if you get caught up looking for someone who values material things over actually being there for you well that in itself answers their own question of: How far out on the ledge would you go for HER? What you really want is someone who would go to the edge of the world to be there for you and if your gut is telling you he wouldn’t do that, trust your gut.
On the other hand, if you’re undecided about the love you feel for your partner, ask yourself why you love him. The answer should be “Because I would go to the end of the world to be there for him”. If you hesitated…. Then it’s time to re-evaluate what love is to you. Either way, never forget about the constant love that surrounds you at all times and on your desperate days remember how many people you have in your life who WILL be there for you when you need them. That’s real love.
Love is all around us,
The Love Hawk