For anyone who has ever been cheated on, the simple word alone is enough to make you queasy and invoke a gag reflex. No matter how long ago it happened, it’s hard to shake that knot in your stomach when the whole scenario flashes back to you and infiltrates your mind. It’s not fun. It wasn’t fun then and it isn’t fun now. It probably took some time for you to stop picturing that mother fucker with another person; their sweaty bodies together, hot and bothered, and the moment he decided that your relationship was less important than the piece of ass he was about to get. Sickening right? Now that you’re riled up, you need to know that being cheated on was the best thing that could have happened to you.
Like it or not, the whole cheating fiasco birthed a new person—who you are today. It broke you down, it tore your heart apart, but with all the shit you went through you became stronger. Through your tears and agony, you found out that nothing, not even being cheated on, could break you down completely. You had to be strong to get through it and you had to figure out your true self to become whole again.
After spending days in the fetal position, it was time to get up and put the Ben & Jerry’s ice cream aside. It was time to face reality, because like it or not, the earth doesn’t stop revolving even when your world comes crumbling down. You had to make a decision. You had to decide where to go from here. Maybe you took him back after he pleaded with you that he loved you to the moon and back and that he made the biggest mistake of his life and would never do it again. Maybe you told him to get the hell out of your life and you never looked back. Either way, you pulled up your big girl panties and decided what was going to be best for you and your life. As dire as the situation was, you took a step.
The worst way to live life is to not take any steps in either direction. To be stuck, to be still; too scared to make a move and disturb the peace. Sometimes we have to stumble backwards to be able to move forward and sometimes we need to run full-speed-ahead only to trip over our own feet and fall head first. Being cheated on forced you to move. It forced you to decide what you wanted and how to get there. Maybe you made the wrong post-cheating choice, maybe you made the right one. It doesn’t matter as long as you can look back and say you got through it.
The moment you find out you were cheated on, time stands still. It’s like hearing the news that someone has died. You don’t want to believe it, you get angry, you bargain. You feel this way because part of you does die; the part that trusted whole-heartedly. The person you were before being cheated on is gone and a new one needs to be created. After crying for what seems like ever, eventually you accepted it: You got duped. Not dumped, that wouldn’t have hurt as much, but duped, by someone you thought would never hurt you.
It stings to get duped. It sucks to get played by someone we love with all our heart. But getting cheated on helped grow your trust radar. It’s not to say you’ll never trust again, you will if you find someone who’s worth it, but you will see the signs of a cheater earlier if it happens again. Your bruised heart will be able to weed out the bad ones from the good ones now because your radar will be better next time around. You may get hurt again, you may get cheated on again, but you won’t be fooled again the same way you were the first time. You’re smarter now, in a way that only people who’ve experienced it can be.
Yes, you got cheated on and you felt hopeless and lifeless but because of it, you are who you are today. You are not broken. You made your way through the flames and you’re now on the other side, stronger, smarter, and wiser than you were before. The moment you found out he was cheating may follow you around for the rest of your life, but remember that the lessons you learned from it are bigger than that instant in time when everything stood still…. and you moved forward.
Keep moving, keep growing,
The Love Hawk