The One You Want Isn’t Always the One You Need

You-Need-Love-lWe’ve all heard it before; in songs, in movies, in books, from our parents and, maybe even from our best friends. The one we want to be with most may not always be the best choice for us. They may not always be the one we need. It’s easy to laugh it off and pretend as though the one you want truly IS the one you need. Of course, the rest of us fools have no clue what YOUR relationship is like. You’re one of the lucky ones who ended up with everything you needed AND wanted!

Only, you can’t shake the thought that your current boyfriend popped into your head when you read the title of this article. Someone’s name and face is burning in your mind and that’s cause you know, deep down, you’re really not getting all you need and deserve. The truth is, good relationships go beyond what we want: the infatuation, the passion, the comfort. There are a few basic things strong relationships NEED; be sure to commit yourself to someone who is giving you more than half-assed company and a wild sex sesh a couple of times a week. You need to be loved. You need to be respected. You need someone who’s gonna help you be the best version of yourself possible. Don’t settle for less.

You Need Someone Who Is On the Same Page

This is huge. It’s hard to keep progressing in a relationship with someone whose life is just not in sync with your own. You could share a wonderful love with him, a deep connection, something you’ve never felt before but at the end of the day, are you guys moving in the same direction? Maybe you want to get married and he doesn’t, maybe he wants kids and you don’t, maybe you’re just at different places in your lives and your tracks are no longer parallel. When you come to that dreadful realization of “Where do we go from here?” it might be the hardest decision you ever make. This is when wants and needs truly interfere with each other pitting your head against your heart. In the end, you need to be with someone who compliments you AND your path. Why are you willing to sacrifice what you want if he won’t even budge for you? If you stick around too long you may not get everything you ever wanted in life–or from that person.

You Need Someone Who Makes You a Priority

These days, everyone is busy. Busy doing nothing, really. We all have commitments but you want to be with someone who finds time to squeeze you in. If someone really wants to see you they will make time, even it’s just for ten minutes. If someone keeps finding excuses every time you want to hang out or only makes time for you when their friends are busy, then you should start re-evaluating. As the saying goes: “Don’t make someone a priority, if you’re only an option to them”.

You Need Someone Who Doesn’t Make You Feel Insecure

There are enough shitty billboards and ads floating around these days testing our insecurities that you shouldn’t be dealing with your boyfriend putting you down, as well. Sometimes, it’s as if he doesn’t even know he’s making you feel like shit with his snide comments or embarrassed glances. Don’t settle for someone who makes you feel like you’re not good enough or that you need to change so he’ll stay with you. You’re a smart girl and you already know that you deserve more than that!

You Need Someone Who Is Grateful

How good is it to know someone feels like a king because he hit the jackpot and gets to call you his girl? Every woman should know what it feels like to date a guy who beams when he holds her hand. Date a guy who wants to show you off and feels lucky that he’s your boyfriend. Why would you waste your time having it any other way? Life’s too short to stay with that guy who doesn’t bring you to parties or never kisses you in public.  You’re a prize; date someone who is grateful for having you.

You Need Someone Who Makes You Laugh

This one’s not hard to explain. Be with someone who you can laugh with. It’s the best bonding tool and if you share the same sense of humour your relationship can be on the right track. Just be sure that laughter isn’t the only thing you guys have going for you! It’s good to have fun together but it’s how you deal with the tough stuff that will really define your relationship.

You Need Someone Who Listens and Remembers

It’s a small thing but it makes a big difference. There will always be times when people forget or don’t hear what you say, but it shouldn’t be happening all the time. There’s no better feeling than mentioning something in passing one day, maybe that you’d love to try a specific restaurant or that you’re excited for a new CD to drop, and then being surprised by him without even asking. If you’re dating someone who doesn’t remember the little details or tunes you out, get that in check or get out!

You Need Someone You Can Talk To

It seems like a no-brainer but you wouldn’t believe how many couples can’t communicate properly with each other. You need to be with someone you’re comfortable talking to, not only about how your day was but how you feel during tough times, as well. Being able to let your partner know when he hurt your feelings will make a world of difference in the long run. You shouldn’t be bottling up your feelings because you’re worried to tell him how you feel. It’s unhealthy. If you’re scared he’ll leave if you push the wrong buttons, then maybe it’s time you push those buttons and watch him walk.

In the end, it’s about not settling for anything less than what you need. We all WANT the passion but sometimes we forget that we NEED so much more. If you’re lucky enough to find someone who gives you all of the above, don’t take him for granted. Don’t pass him up for someone you may just want for the time being. And if you’re worried you’re not getting all you need from the one you’re with then it’s time to figure out why. After all, if you know you deserve it, you will find that the person you want and the person you need are one in the same.

Wants and Needs Met,
The Love Hawk

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2 thoughts on “The One You Want Isn’t Always the One You Need

  1. Wow! I can totally relate! I have actually thought of other men/ex’s when dating someone, for this exact reason. I totally enjoy their company, but there’s just something missing, and that’s what makes me sometimes want to be with another. And I think that many of us women are afraid of being alone, or our insecuries confuse us and we settle. But that’s another story.

    And I was just recently told by a man that he has this 2 year policy. I agree with it to a point…He says that he gives the relationship 2 yrs before deciding if it’s progressing. If not, then he ends it. Ok…but I feel like you know WAY before 2 yrs if they are the one or not. But I guess to his credit, he is being pretty fair and not just giving it 2 months… 😀

  2. I know the feeling here – we go after people who are not always the best for us and that’s not good. I guess the first step is seeing who is right and wrong…and understanding what we actually want.

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